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| webcomic ideaI've become a really big fan of webcomics in the past few years. xkcd.com, Cowbirds in Love, Pictures for Sad Children, Natalie Dee are all really good. My favorite one, Dinoballs, went offline recently. Webcomics appeal to me because you can churn them out really quickly, be a very poor artist, and still be way more entertaining than Cathy. AACK!
I have these really funny conversations with my cousin, Chris, who is 16 (I am 24), about what life was like growing up in the 90's. There isn't that big of an age gap between us but he doesn't understand a world without internet, ubiquitous cell phones, mp3s, etc. Here is a sample of our convo today:
Anonymousliar (5:59:26 PM): hey have you ever heard of settlers of catan? Chris (5:59:45 PM): nope wut is it? Anonymousliar(6:00:54 PM): it is a board game Anonymousliar(6:01:14 PM): like wayyyyy back in 1990 when i was a kid we did not have triple core xenon processed xbox360 Anonymousliar(6:01:28 PM): we had to play games with little pieces of carved painted wood, paper, cardboard and blocks with numbers on them Anonymousliar(6:01:37 PM): this is one of those games Chris(6:05:17 PM): So what is that, like 8-bit?
If I am feeling extra motivated maybe I'll draw some stick figures and make it into a webcomic.
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| I Think I'm Gonna Repost this on FmyLifeToday I was in my college biology class sitting next to a really cute girl in my class. The midterm for the class was coming up, so I decided to bring the used textbook that I hadn't even cracked open once since I bought it online three months ago. Our teacher asked us to open up to a diagram in the book, and the girl asked if we could share books since she left hers at home. Excitedly, I opened up the textbook and started talking to her, but she was just staring with a very fascinated look at the textbook diagram. Disappointedly, I turned my attention back to the professor. A few minutes later, I noticed that tucked in the spine of the page were literally dozens of black pubes. I have black hair. FML.
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| Not Hot Phone that Thinks it's HotI HATE my phone. I truly think that I have done something terribly fucked up in a previous life to warrant the possession of a cursed phone.
My cell phone is so jacked up - first of all, it's a pink razr that was my sister's ex-secretary's old phone. The banner says "sexi lexi" on it and when it loads up, it says "Hello Beautiful!" in big letters (which I actually secretly like, but that's the only thing I like about the phone). I used to think my friend S**** who we all secretly think is gay was the biggest cock block ever. No. Having a pink razr phone is the biggest cock block you can possibly have. Imagine asking for a girl's number and trying to cover the exterior of the entire phone in your hands. IT DOES NOT WORK! I have tried and there are still little gaps where your fingers can't cover and they can see the color of the phone. Plus it makes you look like you are trying to hide your sexuality when you are cupping a pink razr phone and waving it away when a girl asks to look at it, then discovers it is pink.
If the phone were just pink, I would still be cool with it. I mean, I don't really care about the physical appearance of things. But this phone is like that girl you know that thinks she's super hot so she's a total bitch. My phone thinks it's cute and fashionable so it never fucking listens to me and just does whatever the fuck it wants to while being a total bitch to me.
It hangs up on people mid-call.
It goes periods of hours without reception in places where others have reception.
Its battery dies completely randomly at times.
Phone, you are not hot! You cannot do whatever you want and expect that you are so hot that I won't care. I do care and I think you're a total ugly bitch phone!
I tried to make it work. I bought you that brand new battery implant that doesn't even fit it is so big and makes your back stick out like a trashy ho. You were okay for a while but pretty soon you went back to being an even bigger bitch than before. I can't take it any more. It's over.
That's right, I am breaking the fuck up with your fugly ass and getting a pretty, sexy IPhone. I will smash you into pieces and post naked photos of you on this blog after I set your carcass on fire after I drive over you with my car after I take a baseball bat to your innards and expose you for all to see.
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
F U PHONE
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| College Parties are Fun!Being in college again is pretty fun. I get some pretty funny stories hanging around younger kids that I think would be entertaining to share in here.
I was at a frat party at Northwestern last weekend, for instance, and within a few minutes, got to chatting with a pretty Asian freshman girl who told me she had just moved from China a month ago. Here is a list of things she told me within fifteen minutes of meeting me:
1) "You are the most beautiful man I have seen in America"
2) "Did you know the Dalai Lama is a terrorist?"
3) "Why did I come to this country? To find a boyfriend!"
Wait a minute, doesn't this seem a bit weird to you? Me too! I am pretty sure I have heard all three of these lines being used by these newfangled "pick up artists," or PUAs as they like to be called! I mean, isn't "I think the Dalai Lama is a terrorist" a bit too good of a conversation starter for anyone to just think up on the spot? Give me some credit, like I'm not gonna know you stole that from theattractionforums.com! I have to give those Chinese PUAs credit though, they do got them some silky smooth game.
After confronting this girl about her PUA status, she just looked kind of confused which immediately confirmed my suspicions (Rule #1 of PUAs - there is no PUA). After wikipediaing their trade, I have analyzed that she did a seamless job moving into the last stage of pick up artistry, Seduction. 15 minutes after talking to her, I wandered to the other side of the room, to which I had discovered she had coyly texted me with the question "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" An expert move on her part, very advanced double-reverse neg meant to throw me off the PUA trail. As I read the message and saw her peeking across the room at me, I upped the ante back with a "Why are you staring at me?" triple-reverse neg reply. She quickly peeked at her cell phone and darted off, not to be seen again. The ball is in your court now, Caroline.
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| Massive Fail, Office StyleI was at the casino the other day having a few drinks and sitting next to my friend playing poker as he got a drink delivered from a cocktail waitress at the Wynn. The waitresses there are stunningly beautiful, and this one was no exception - a skinny Asian girl in her 20s. As she was handing my friend a bottle of water, it tipped over her tray and fell in my lap.
My friend told her, "Haha, hey is that how you flirt with your customers nowadays? He's friendly, you could have just said hello and he would have talked to you." She thought it was cute and funny and played along, flirting a little bit and saying "Yeah, you know, your friend is too hot not to use a little of my waitress game on."
Feeling pretty good about myself, I sat down at a table across the room a short while later and saw her coming to our table out of the corner of my eye.
"Damn, these waitresses are hot," the guy next to me said.
"Yeah, you know, they kind of fall all over me," I told him cockily. "They like to fake-spill drinks on me, that's how they flirt with me."
"How do we like to flirt with you?" She said as she came up behind us.
"Oh, haha, you know, I already know your tricks. Cute guy at the table, better grab some extra water bottles on that tray!"
"What are you talking about?"
Now everybody at the table was looking at me as I started laughing nervously. "What's up? Don't want these guys to know about your waitress game."
"Um...Waitress game? I'll have to tell my husband about that one," she replied with an annoyed look on her face.
"Wtf is going on here?" I thought. Now things were starting to get really awkward and she looked really pissed.
"Awww...Look at you, turning all red! What's the matter, don't talk so big when I'm right here?"
Her face looked really quizzical as she paused and told me, "Hey, Wendy is waving at you, by the way."
It was then that I looked across the room and saw the flirty Asian waitress waving at me from across the room and a very angry Asian waitress who was also in her 20s right in front of me and staring at me, along with everyone else at the table.
Oh....shit.
Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Do girls think it's cute when you cannot tell them apart from others descended from the same extremely general geographic region as them?" Surprisingly, it turns out the answer is no, they definitely do not! Did I use the "I'm Asian, I can't be racist" defense? You sure bet I did! Classy AND effective! Use it only in your most dire moments of need, my friends.
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